So you say there is a wall
A wall that I have built up around me… And that our love cannot survive with this wall between us.  I am the one responsible for our distance… I am shutting you out… I am cold and indifferent…. I do not see love the same way as you do. You interpret this as a lack of love… a lack of desire for you.
You ask me why when there was no wall before… why is there this wall now… keeping you out…. Keeping us apart
Our love needed no walls… our time was carefree and young.
Yes our love was free, it was comfortable, passionate, fulfilling and total.  But it ended.  A death took me from that existence while you were gone.  I didn’t notice this death as being something that separated us only that it ended my life… A life that I like you did not wish to end…  The end was traumatic and painful for me…
And this you did not see.
When you were able to return… I was gone. The life you loved was gone… and you hungered for more…I understand that maybe you were angry, hurt and dismayed. Maybe you felt helpless and robbed.  I can see how you would feel that you wanted to pitch fits over the fact that what was important to you were gone and you were left alone without control; Alone to deal with your pain,  Alone to deal with your loss.  And the way it ended was traumatic and painful for you….
And this I did not see.
We now have two separate new lives… You and I are not the same.  Through death both of us lost our dreams, love and happiness.  Though it ended differently for each of us…. Both endured the pain.
I am not the same woman you knew then, I have been reborn all anew.  You are not the same man as then, as you too are renewed. There was great shock when we saw each other again, instant passion and love…. Both of us happy to finally be able to return to the love we once shared.  Then you scared me, I backed off, and you disappeared.  You see it as me going again, only this time with my own hand.
I saw you too demanding and unable to understand.
While you have remained the same man, I have changed.  My life was hard after death, and I had to build new aids to survive. Aids that would protect me from things you have not seen, aids that afford peace and contentment and allow me to dream.
I built the wall.
It is a nice friendly wall, only twelve feet tall, with barbed wire and electricity on the chance that coming over someone might venture to crawl. The perimeter might seem the fortress that it is intended to be.  Lined by red roses there to warm me.  And for weary travelers to see.
But there is a gate at the front always open,
With a sign it welcomes all friends to enter.  Yes I guard that entrance with fervor, but the gate is so small. Just a delicate white picket boundary only thirty-six inches tall. It needs only a strong man there to guard me and his job is quite clear.  Know all before they enter no one else allow near.  For those entering in friendship no questions are asked. But for those with other motives, the walls will close fast.
As you have not seen my monsters or embraced in my fears.
You cannot know the things I have learned living all of these years. In patience you can hear me understanding me more.  In time I may be able to return to the girl you adore. But remember dear not to crumble the walls that are put there, as the builder has strict instruction to repair them without ere. The harder someone tries to break them down the stronger they will become.  And there is no way in except through the gate. If you feel that our relationship depends on me letting you in from the sides then you will find yourself rejected till you too have died. I won’t let you in now or ever unless my rules you abide.
Friend first only otherwise prevented by the guide.
….. I won’t allow the wall to go…. And only a friend first can have access to the me I protect inside.  I am the product of a long and eventful life….I have built structures that I need to survive….Structures that I need this lifetime to face the things in my life this time…. These structures are new to you…
but if I remove my security wall for you….
all the things I need protection from can also enter…. That is why there is only one way in.  Through the gate…  I have invited you in and opened that door for you… and you are still beating against the walls.  I have learned that people who are determined to break through my walls hurt me when they get in.  So… I don’t trust them…. That is why I can’t let them break in.       There is a certain respect that comes from entering by the gate that I require from everyone.  That respect I command.  My mother, father, grandmother and brother I treat alike.  In fact….I regard all the people the same…. And I love them all.
Yet, they have come to see me through the gate…. Thirty-six inches tall.
My mother and husband still batter the walls at night while I rest…. But I only let them in when they come in the gate…. So you are not singled out… and you are not unloved…. And you hold the engraved invitation to enter the gate…. The offer still stands… But, the walls are there for me…
And the walls you see will always stand Strong.