Well
this month I have been more of a hermit than anything else. I
finally put up a page in honor of my granny. I was very lucky to
catch her on film before she died... and I wish I had done so with my
grandmother.
I am very pleased to have made it through this much of this year.
My friend will be moving in a few days... part of me feels sad on a
level I will refrain from discussing... yet another part knows we have
been farther apart that we will be now before... and we did fine.
She and I both don't mind travel.
This move will be wonderful for her... She really needs it.. I am very
happy and excited for her... and plan to live vicariously through her
for a good bit now ehehehe...... YOU GO GIRL!
One thing I have learned is.. I am a strong person. I feel I am
growing stronger. Yes I have been under fire a bit lately... in
fact for a number of years now... ever since I turned down that
opportunity in Berea Kentucky.
Maybe there really is only one good chance. Maybe... but then, I
am not going to quit just cuz I may have missed the best... when a
almost as good may still be out there. Don't worry mama... I am going to be okay.
I have learned a lot about family... and I have
found a lot of people I had lost... as I have lost some.
Also, we have a new baby in our family. Wanda told me today that
her son Alan, my older step brother, and his wife have had a little
girl... Daddy would have loved this... he looked forward to
this baby's birth so much...
Also, HUGE NEWS!!! My
cousin Donna is having a baby and she is due in February. If this
is the baby I have been dreaming of... she is sooooooo beautiful :)
July
15, 2003
I
would like to preface this section with a quote from a
book which is helping me so much these days...
"If anyone of you has ever wished me a great amount of pain and
suffering... Your wish has been granted." 'How to survive the loss of a love' by
Harold H. Bloomfield, M.D., Melba Colgrove, Ph.D., & Peter
McWilliams. If you have lost someone and feel like your
going to
explode... I recommend this book. It seems to be holding me
together
at the moment.
It has been a long time since I have written here. Wow...
Last September was another world ago. My dad kept getting sicker
after his accident with the four wheel. Last December the hospice
girls gave him 2 months to live. After that it was monthly,
weekly, daily updates as his health got worse... Each time Wanda called
me and I saw him I was certain
this was his last as was she. Daddy finally went to rest on June
6,
2003. I am not over this... nor am I over my grandmothers death
from
last year.. which will be one year July 24, 2003. I want to
mention here as well some of the others I have lost in the past 2
years: My Aunt Peggy, Uncle Clinus, Minn, Maxie, and two I will
leave unnamed for now.
I have taken to doing things which will allow me to spend more time
with my 3 children. A friend of mine ask me to help him and his
wife with a server. I found out later that someone else makes the
decisions for that server, and I didn't know enough to deal with
someone who didn't know me
so I began working on a private server to learn. This server is
now
not so private and called Nightmares & Legends. My family and
friends
all keep me working pretty much non stop on it and I have to say... I
don't
need a lot of encouragement to work a lot these days, it keeps me sane.
Ummm what else is new? Dante is so protective over me lately that
even family can not get close to me if I am upset or hurting. He
is
still young I hope he will further relax as time passes and he ages.
Carter has gotten her learners permit.... Did I mention I totaled
my Tarus and am now driving a Mazda MPV. (Red, BRIGHT RED!)
The kiln finally got hooked up. The electric to it finally got
hooked up. Georgia Power came out and put in totally new wiring
from the road to the house since the power needed has now increased.
Our friends moved out and now... they have a wonderful apartment
and have began collecting the greatest new anime
Inu-Yasha. I
hope to be able to see all of them... Can anyone give me a
necklace like that? SIT!
September
1, 2002
It suddenly occurred to me how
badly I looked forward to this summer. Yet here it is the month
for fall to begin. After this past weeks foot surgery I have
finally taken some time to sit and think. Isn't it funny how if
we wont
sit and think the universe seems to put us in a position where we
have to sit and think?
With Life University and the accreditation committee being all
so hush hushed these days… I fear there is no hope for now.
I find myself not caring. It seem that I have been in constant
struggle since I entered the doctorates program. Which surprises
me as I had no problems with my under grad work here. The class
work itself however hard was still grade passable. I have and
always will have a problem with the attendance rules. Seems no
matter what I missed more days than allowed.
I told the student loan gentleman today that I have decided not to go
back… or if I do to go part time and just pay as I go. However,
if the school does do the 'teach out' that the papers have
suggested. That wont be an option for me.
I have to confess… the thing that has kept me going this past few
months has been my writing and my artwork. I have been putting
some writings on here and lately I have began drawing and painting
again this year as it was my 'relaxation and recuperation" year.
Maybe I am getting old… ok I AM GETTING OLD… I am 3,956 years old now…
as some of you may know. I want to try and shed myself of all the
non peaceful places in my life. The kids are now at that age
where…. They are just like watching a movie … three of them at
one time. I do have to say this… sometimes I want to turn one of
them off or change the cannel for a while. Thank heaven for the
9-pm adult only on the first floor rule. For those of you that
don't know… everyone has to clear the floor and either be in bed
reading or in bed asleep by 9-pm EST here. That is unless you're
an adult.
Even then I snarl if Alan comes upstairs sometimes. Let's face
it.. I need my alone time.
Some of you know the depth and extensiveness of all my losses from this
year. Some of you only know of the ones mentioned here. But
I am tired. I did NOT go to Dragon-Con this year. I had
foot surgery this past week and can not walk well yet without my
crutches. I am very tired.
I am going to be opening an art studio soon in my garage. We are
still building the shed in the back yard. The footings are about
7/10's of the way done…. But then comes the flooring and then the walls
etc… and the thingy to actually be able to drive the lawn mower into
it…. The 'sliding board' to the inside???? Then comes
installing the hot and cold running water and sink and cabinets… then
actually getting the electrician out here to hook up
my 100 amp kiln ehhehe…. (the house only has 150 amps so we
have to put in a new line :)) Oh how much to do.
And yet tonight my family (mom is here too) are watching Harry
Potter for at least the 10th time. Who says that everything
has to always be NEW and unknown? I am testing a blog
online. However, I don't see how I will feel comfortable doing
one of those when I don't know who is going to read it. Here I
get emails from you and know some of you and so I write to you all and
answer you from what I get feedback on. Which is why I tell a lot
about
my family as they want to know.. And so many of you have been family
to me for so long I am sure we share blood now at least of the
hearts.
So this is my BLOG and I will try and give you two pages which after
these fill up the past will be gone. That should be enough
history ehehehe…. I hope you all enjoy it… I am going to say
good night now.. The movie is over.
August
3, 2002
So much has happened this summer, I can no longer remember that I so
wished for spring. There has been both good and bad things.
I am not sure yet how my heart will judge the two and see which has
won. To my French friends I say. Je suis plein de la
douleur. Je ne connais pas ce monde. Je ne me connais pas. Mainly
because I do not wish to say these words in English.
My friend Wildcard came to visit. He sat me up a Linux box.
Now or eventually now, I can do everything that he and Karis have been
trying to get me to do over the past year.
My brother and his family got to come home for a lengthy visit.
It was the first time I have seen him in over 4 years. It will be
3 or more before I see him again. This time he will be stationed
in Germany.
I lost my grandmother after months
of her being sick or varying degrees of illness for the past
year. She lived in North Carolina and I have not seen her as much
as I wish I had the past 8 years. But it is too late now.
This woman was my connectivity. She was my link to what should
be. She was what was left of my believing in possibility.
Now as Karis says, I "must face reality like everyone else does"
I need to just deal with the facts. The cold hard truth is.
He is right.
The school that I have been attending is going thru some accrediting
issues. So looks like at this time at least, I will not be
finishing my degree.
We are therefore, setting up an art studio in my garage and family and
friends have loaned me some of my items so that I can get back into the
swing of the art world.
My new Lockerbie
kickwheel (model EK) will be arriving this coming Tuesday.
This weekend has been allocated to garage duty. I ordered
my wheel from Axner
Co. Out of Oviedo Florida. Lockerbie makes the wheel
AFTER you order it. So you get to feel as if each one is made
just for you. It will arrive Drop Freight at 300 lbs.
Also I am waiting for my new Olympic kiln.
I do not
know when it will be here, however, I do expect it within the next
few weeks. I am getting the Model 3031H as I
decided I wanted to use the kiln sitter rather than the electric
one. Yes it is oval. Yes I did need this size as I can do
two or 3 burial urns at one time.
I have a new dog. His name will be registered as "Atheena's Dante
Noir" He is a male above standard black and rust colored Doberman
pincher from Kimbertal Kennels.
I don't have pics of him developed yet.. I did take some yesterday (he
just arrived yesterday) but they are not yet developed. Here is a pic of his dad.
His father is 31 and 1/2 inches tall and weights 130 lbs. He is
supposed to be a big boy.
I have written two short stories both of which SUCK, and more morbid
poetry. So hope to be loading that for you *evil grin* soon.
Well if I am going to get more done on other pages… I need to leave
this one.
April
10, 2002
I feel that everything we touch is a part of who we are…
I love to work in my yard and to see my hands play in the dirt around
the beautiful things that grow there. I know what I am here for
now. But I am too scared to do it alone.
So I am waiting for those to join me who will. Come study with me
and help me gather the research I need for this project. For we
are all one place and it is time to go home.
Over the next few weeks if things go as planned I will be putting ads
in the local papers and registering with some of the local bookstores
for volunteers for a research project for the book I am writing for my
children. For those of you interested in finding out more
information at this time please email me at Atheena@atheena.com
February,
2002
Currently I am undergoing major changes in my life and trying to figure
out how these changes will impact me. At one time I gamed
almost non stop due to some major health issues. Thankfully this
has now changed. I am free to get out and do the things I did in
my games now in real life.
This has not changed my love for online games or my fervor about
them… it has however, created a shortage of time now for which I
can dedicate to gaming.
Another thing that has impacted this indecision is the fact that when
Geocities was taken over by Yahoo (or sold out to Yahoo… whatever!
) The two of them now combined refuse to answer my emails to let
me know if I can get back any of my artwork or history pages that
I was keeping there.
This results in a loss of a lot of the information I had been running
and referring to on this site. Not the end of the world… how ever
to redo this will be time consuming if I choose to attempt
it. This too I am deciding on…
Also… I needed a new look. And I am considering this to be my
babble site. A place where I write my thoughts or ideas …
a place where you could if you wanted to… look into my mind and see
little glimpses of me.
I find myself more and more drawn to writing.
Finally… this year I must decide if I am going to go back to school or
not. I have only wanted my children and true love as much as I
wanted to be a chiropractor.
